Today is my first day officially off work and I'm thrilled. Except I've been trying fight the irritation that comes from people's stupid comments all weekend... I think it has just built up and now I'm tired and done with hearing it.
What irritates me the most are the people who tell you what you ARE going to do. For instance, that 'you're feet WILL grow a size because you are pregnant and none of your shoes will ever fit again... EVER... because it happens to everyone'. Well, no, it doesn't happen to everyone. NOTHING happens to everyone. Every single person and pregnancy is different. There are probably more people who have told me that their swelling went down after they delivered and all was well in the shoe-world again than those who said their feet were never the same.
The worst? The 'just wait' or 'you have no idea' comments. Those are my favorite. The 'you have no idea how much sleep you will never get again for the rest of your ENTIRE life' or 'just wait until he kicks you all night long that you are in so much pain and can't sleep'. Seriously... don't tell me to just wait on something terrible, or I have no idea how horrible something will be! That goes along with your horrible delivery, horrible breastfeeding, or horrible you knew someone who knew someone whose baby died at some point in their life story! WHY WOULD YOU TELL ANYONE THAT!??! (Unless you are telling me so I can make precautions - like don't leave cords near crib slats that a baby could get tangled in - that is helpful)
I even had someone tell me that I will love the baby more than my husband and that Ben will just have to take a backseat once he arrives. As though the only reason I even married Ben was to get this child and now that I will have him, Ben is useless. Seriously?! God intended me to have a God-centered marriage, not a child-centered one.
I've caught Ben saying, 'just wait' to some of our friends who are a few months behind us pregnancy-wise and I've told him everytime because he said he couldn't stand it either, but now he's saying it! I told him he can only say it in a positive, just wait, this is so wonderful way. Then you are giving them something to look forward to.
What I do appreciate though are people who tell me THEIR stories and don't make it something that is inevitably going to happen to me. I can tell you already there are probably 25 terrible things that people have said 'just wait' about that truly have not happened at all! And if trying to google an answer to anything pregnancy-related is any indicator, you can find 4,623,982 different things that have happened to any given person regarding the exact same question. So pretty much the only thing that all people share during pregnancy is they all grow a baby. Some gain zero weight, some gain 100lbs, some never feel the baby, some wish the baby would settle down for 3 seconds, sometimes people are heavier for the rest of their life after pregnancy, some are skinnier than they've ever been!
I can say that this pregnancy has been truly a blessing and something I will miss terribly. It has been the sweetest, most surreal experience of my life thus far, and I am so thankful. I really will miss feeling his kicks and twists during the days/nights. I will miss him being able to go everywhere with me. I have had zero complications and am so thankful to still be able to go on long walks with the dogs and sleep pretty well (I've never been a great sleeper, so I don't have much to compare to). I AM ready to have the baby because I am so anxious to meet him, but it is very bitter-sweet because I know I will miss this time so much too. Someone told me yesterday they could see how Mrs. Duggar has had 19 (20?) kids, that being pregnant and having a little baby is so sweet, its somewhat addicting. Those thoughts and stories, I welcome and am so thankful to hear. (But no worries, I'm pretty sure Ben would go get surgery if I pushed him beyond 2 or 3 kids!)
*Another VERY helpful thing - mom's who have passed on advice about items they couldn't live without, things that are very useless or something they had to figure out trial/error. This I've appreciated so much!
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Not all people, but clearly a large group of people in this world have no manners or filter. It is not fair that they selfishly give you advice because they want to reminisce. The truth to why EVERYONE tells their story, because they are jealous. They are just jealous that you are a few blinks away from experiencing the joy that they remember so fondly! They wish they were you!!!!
ReplyDeleteI hate to say it but once the baby comes people still can't keep their mouth shut with their opinions and ideas...some are helpful-most of the not! I try not to give suggestions/advice unless I am asked because I could NOT stand the "just wait" crap people gave me. You are going to have sleepless nights and there are going to be some fussy days but once you get settled into a routine, things will get back to normal and you will sleep again. Having a little baby is the most AMAZING thing in the whole wide world. Ben isn't going to go in the backseat, you are going to love and appreciate him even more than you can imagine because he helped create that sweet baby. I love you!! Call me...we played phone tag last week and I think you are it!
ReplyDeleteI love this!! My friend passed the link to this post to me because I have wrote about this same thing. I hate when people say "Just you wait!" My kids are now 4 1/2 and 3. And I love it! But it's always been "just you wait...". When they rolled, just wait till they start crawling. When the crawled, just wait till they start walking! And then there are the just wait till they start talking and just wait until they are teenagers. It never ends. It's just one negative thing after another. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteAnd about the stupid pregnancy comments I would just smile at the person and say all sweet "well isn't it nice that your pregnancy story doesn't have to be mine." Big cheesy smile. They stopped being so negative.
And I will tell you that being a mother is the greatest thing you will ever experience! Yes, it will be challenging and you will have your days that you will want to pull your hair out but the good days far out number the bad. You will love your child sooooo much! But not more than your husband. Differently. It's a completely different kind of love. The joy you will experience with each stage will be overwhelming... even when it is challenging. Being a mother is an amazing gift.
My things I could live without are not really baby items but these:
1. God. Kids don't come with a manual but we have access to their creator!
2. On Becoming Babywise. Best book I ever read. Saved my sanity and helped me get my babies sleeping through the night by three months old. Highly recommend it!
I follow ivys blog and am a friend of hers, found your blog through hers. {always feel like I need to introduce myself ;)}congrats on your pregnancy! Your almost there!
ReplyDelete1.My feet went back to normal, almost immediately 2.I hate it to this day when people say "just you wait in a negative way
3. I pumped for 9 mths with my son and dealt with just about everything you could from mastitis to low supply. but it was worth every frustration and tear. If you can get passed the first 3 mths your golden!
Good luck!!!
I was super quick to tell people that I wasn't sure what I was going to do and that I would just wait and see how things worked out and what my child would be like. That way no body could tell me how I was wrong or "I told you so!" I was also real irritated by the people who would tell me what my child was going to be like or what their child was going to be like.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, I think that people say it because so many people said it to them and it gets brainwashed into you. And sometimes there are Moms that genuinely want to be helpful, but they can't remember that most of that kind of advice wasn't helpful or was super specific to their kids.
I personally have to try REALLY hard not to dump all of my information onto someone because I don't want them to have to go through something that I didn't have to had I known X Y or Z.
And my mother-in-law is STILL the worst about telling me how to do things and I'm dealing with stuff she never would have come close to.