I have mentioned this a few times before regarding my school and how every door that needed to be opened was opened and as my great friend said tonight, they were also HELD open!
Well I just wanted to share because this has been a very rewarding, but tough journey at times, especially lately.
A few weeks ago my internship supervisor asked if could come 5 days a week soon because testing starts and its a very overwhelming time! I also thought it would be good for me, because I felt like I wasn't getting as much in-school time as I needed due to training and such outside the school too. I want to be able to do both! Well, I came home and was very nervous to bring this up to Ben. Financially I just didn't know how we could do it. Granted, I'd already dropped down to only 2 paid days a week, and we'd managed okay thus far, but losing those 2 days would be pretty hard. It would mean no more internet or cable and no more carb-free diet (that produce is just expensive!)
I brought it up when I got home and Ben wasn't as against it as I thought! He just said that if this was what I needed to do to make sure I had a job in the future than he supported it. So we decided to just pray that God would give us an answer over the next week or so. (Keep in mind I really don't want to leave my current paid job... I've been there for 3.5 wonderful years and really enjoy the people I work with, its the one thing in my life right now that I am sure of and comfortable with.)
The next day (Saturday) I went off to my 3rd job at my parent's store. I am also not being paid for this job, because my parents just bought a paint store and are trying to get it up off the ground. I am blessed enough to understand the books, taxes, insurance, etc. and have volunteered my time to help them get things running. While I was there that following Saturday I had a minor breakdown because things just weren't getting done while I wasn't there and its tough driving an hour and a half up there once a week and doing all that needs to be done. My dad said to me: "Can I please just hire you so you can come up here every weekend and get us really moving in the right direction."
Was this my answer?!
I mean surely it is not this clear cut, right?
I was a little shocked because this was the last place I expected to find money or a part time job to support us. I hadn't even told my dad about my dilemma or prayers.
When I left work that day, I called my long-time best friend and ran this by her to be sure I wasn't just imagining it and she confirmed that she thought this was God really answering my prayer.
Well, I was pretty pleased and thankful that God has been providing no matter what I needed and I was really focusing on having faith that he is guiding us on his path. But then attitudes started to change a bit. That next week I started hearing from more than one person that I was not going to be qualified to be a school counselor. That I wouldn't be able to handle testing material, that I wasn't going to be certified. On and on. Now, this went on for several days and truly exhausted me. It was discouraging and stressed me out, but I continued to pray. I prayed for God to give me guidance and calm me down because I know that he has gotten me this far for a reason.
Well a few days after that Ben comes home from work and tells me that he met with a principal of one of the local school systems and how the principal told Ben that he didn't understand why I was going through with school counseling when I wouldn't be able to be certified without having a teaching certificate, I would probably not find a job, etc.
Ben (no offense to him) ate this up. He came home that night and was a wreck, panicked about what this man told him. He caught me off guard because he was the last person I expected to have to defend my job/career/education to (Trust me, he's heard all the ins and outs of my educational trials, I thought he would be pretty educated on the topic!)
This was when I realized something. I realized this was the devil pulling at me and when he tried for 2 weeks to bring me down off my confident cloud of trust and faith, he went after Ben. He found Ben's one fear, his weakest spot (that I will not have a job after graduation) and dove right in.
Amidst all of this I was still praying and really crying out about what I needed to do regarding all of this school and interning, if that was really my answer, why then was it so hard and was this all what I really needed to do?
I went back and forth, back and forth. Was this my answer?? So I went to my real job that Tuesday and was quite upset about all of it. I brought it to one of my bosses with a lot of tears and he was as kind as could be assuring me that if this was where God was guiding me, we'll make it work. At the end of the day I put in my 6-week notice. (VERY sad...) Then, this past Tuesday, I told my other boss (who had been briefed by my 1st boss... his brother) and I was back in tears again, but he promised we'd get through this and things were okay.
Well today I went to my internship and not only got to sit in on some very important meetings but was also able to visit with some kids too! And then I see I have a missed call and a text from Ben that says, "Call me as soon as you are possibly able to." I'm thinking... Oh great, who died? I call and call and call and he doesn't answer. Great... back to meetings. Then he called back, so I slipped out quickly to see what the heck was going on and guess what....
BEN GOT A PROMOTION!!!! I mean if that is not God saying, 'Yes you are working in the right direction', I don't know what is! Since we have turned our lives, finances, jobs and everything over to God, we have been truly truly blessed. I never imagined that we'd get this far and be so taken care of, but I think God is honoring our faithfulness right now and saying keep up the great work.
I know there are days on top of the mountain and days in the valley, where I'm sure I'll be back to shortly, but its those days trudging through the valley I learn and grow and become stronger... so I look forward to those as much as I look forward to moments like this, when God assures me that He is in control. He will provide. He has a better plan for me than I could ever imagine.
So currently, I'm working out the remainder of my 1st job and praying that God will just continue to guide me and I'm trusting that he has a place for me after graduation, wherever that may be!!
*And lastly - snow day tomorrow! :)