Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Dear So and So...

Dear So and So...

Dear Static,

You are the nemesis of my life. You cause me to continuously lose socks only to find them again poking out of my pants leg at 3pm. You make my hair appointments increase $20; due to the inability of my hair to lie flat and allow itself to be cut: a wash, cut, dry and style is now necessary. You cause my dresses to rise up in inappropriate places at inappropriate times. Even though I have spent the money you asked and bought a slip, this slip seems to enjoy you more than regular cotton!

You have defeated my purpose of buying 'flared' pants since they now cling to me and resemble a wrinkly pair of 'skinny jeans'. You scare the crap out of me at night as I toss and turn and see sparks shooting off my pajamas at 1am. Every time I get out of the car to pump gas and read the sign that demands I discharge static electricity from my body before pumping gas or risk losing my life.... because of you, I begrudgingly allow a painful shock to go from my finger to the metal hood of my car. Static, you hurt, you are annoying, you cost me money, dignity and comfort.

Please go as soon as humanly possibly. I will take humidity and sweat over you any day.



  1. Amen sister! My hair NEVER has static...but it does now!

  2. i so agree. my brother bought me a fleece blanket for the purpose of killing me. that thing attracts so much static that it light up like a fire cracker. humidity rules!!

  3. oh that is stinkin hilarious! Share this with daniel, he definately feels your pain! He can tell right away if I don't use a dryer sheet.


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