A Horse of a Different Color

I had a bad day yesterday. I let the exhaustion of life catch up to me and had a minor meltdown at my internship.

I typically try to not become hysterical in public too often, but occasionally it catches me by surprise... like yesterday! I just really never knew how mentally exhausting job searching would be!

Let me explain. Yesterday I received a phone call at 11am from my mother-in-law who's counselor friend called her and asked why I was not interviewed at School X where counselor friend worked and was leaving. (You follow?) So MIL calls and asks me the same thing. I said... "well I don't know, I applied, interviewed with the board and emailed my resume to the principal, I don't know why they didn't interview me." I mean really... how would I know?!

I think the part that was the hardest was that I was told by the board that they would pass my name along and I would not need to pursue the principals any further, they would get my name to the principals. This obviously didn't work so well since I did not get the interview.

I really have no idea why they didn't. It could have been that they gave the principal 20 names, and she narrowed it down, or that they went out of town and didn't get the names over in time... who knows.

So I called her counselor friend and asked her what I should do. She said, come by NOW!!

I left my internship in a panic, went home (30 minutes) and put my suit on, drove back to School X and caught the principal before she was leaving for the day where counselor friend handed her my resume and the principal pulled me in for an interview right then!

This was probably my worst interview yet because of the hectic-ness of it, but it really didn't go too terribly. I just didn't feel I got to tell her the best parts about myself. Most importantly though I now feel that for that particular position I did all I could do and now it is in God's hands. If I don't get it, then its not in his plans and I'm very okay with that. I just want to make sure I am doing all my part in this process.

Last night I gave my VERY last graduate school presentation/project. Can you believe it?! From here on out I am just logging hours and interning, but have very little requirements!

I also realized yesterday that it is time to clear some things off my plate, which is VERY hard for me to do! We talk in class about self-care a lot and how important it is in helping professions like counseling and social-work, but it is easy to put that on the back burner and push myself to give more than necessary and be an over achiever. I don't like saying "No" to people. I don't like not being able to do everything for everyone all the time and I know this is something I struggle with. I have always struggled with it.

Since December I have been at either a job or internship 5 days a week. In January I started spending every Saturday at my parent's paint store handling the books. In March I quit working at my paying job and starting interning full time. In March Ben and I also started teaching Sunday school with the expectation that there would be 2 other couples to rotate with. In April, both couples dropped out. So I have no day off. There is not a single day that doesn't require work or planning and it has finally caught up to me to the point that I cannot handle it.

Yesterday was a turning point because I just am way too exhausted to keep going at 150% 7 days a week.

I talked to my supervisors at my internship today who saw my meltdown yesterday and talked me through it, but today my supervisor asked where I stand in hours. (Remember those 600 hours I've been logging for 5 months?) Well, I only need 40 more INdirect hours which means yes, I have officially gotten every bit of my 240 DIRECT hours! And today my amazing, wonderful supervisor told me that I can take days off, I can take vacation, I can stay at home if I need to and not come back, if it is what I need. She said I have gone above and beyond her expectations and that I shouldn't feel like I need to continue to intern 5 days a week. After I told her that I only needed 40 indirect hours she said, then I am going to make you take 2 or 3 days off. You need it!

I have to agree, I need it.

I feel so much better that I HAVE gotten this far and can cut back a little.

So here is my plan for at least this next week: I am not going to go to the paint store on Saturday. I am going to sleep in on Saturday! I will go to the paint store on Monday. Intern Tuesday with an interview on Tuesday afternoon. Take Wednesday off to go to another interview (YAY!) and intern Thursday and Friday.

How does that sound? MUCH more doable and less stressful??

My favorite part is that I can sleep in tomorrow and go to the pool with Ben!!!

I am so thankful for this!