Birthdays, Babies & Business

So lets talk real for a minute. (Something I am not very quick to do.)

I'm turning 27 in 5 days and I think that means I'm growing up.

Apparently its inevitable. (I've been told its, "Better than the alternative.")

Well, I'm not getting any younger and if you put 2 + 2 together, you probably gathered that I'm itching to have kids. Ben and I are settled people, and I have to admit that turning 27 makes me a little more ready for it, but also, having PCOS is a huge part of wanting kids to happen sooner than later.

Its no secret that it may take a long time for me to get pregnant. I do feel blessed that I have known about this for years. I always knew that when I wanted to have kids I wouldn't be one of those people who decided now was the time and 9 months later pop out a baby. I'm okay with that. I have very strong faith and I have know since I have a conscious memory that I am going to be a mother.

But its become a little more tricky than just waiting and seeing...

I graduate in 3 months.... THREE!

Once I was within 10 months of graduating the baby talk got louder because that was when Ben and I always planned that we'd be ready. When I was done with school, we'd be free to have babies!

Now that it is all a reality and we've been not trying to not be pregnant for quite some time, its becoming very real that, wow, I am going to have to make a decision on when exactly we want to REALLY pursue getting pregnant (ie: assistance).

I was doing really well leaving it up to God. Now, you may think, well that is because you knew you wouldn't get pregnant, right? And yeah, that probably made me less nervous, thinking that it wasn't likely I would get pregnant, but I also have always thought, maybe I will.... maybe I will defy the odds and then if I did, it was 100% God's will! But that hasn't happened.

In school counseling, and the ideal world, you would get pregnant in August and have a baby in May working it around the school year to have the summer off and not have to lose pay if you don't have time off built up.

In an ideal world right?

But I'm not so sure we live in that world.

So I can't stop the 'what if' questions. This is where I am struggling with the where does Faith come in... if I am supposed to DO something to make it or make it not happen, how do I know? Make sense? How am I going to know if God wants it to happen now or later. Can he just send me an email? Take those pills THIS month! :)

So you want to know the what ifs? Probably not because I don't really believe in 'what ifs' either... but right now I'm stuck in them.

Okay, just for fun....
What if all the assistance works like its supposed to and (yay!) I get pregnant as planned.... will I be able to make it through my FIRST year as a counselor pregnant? What if I get pregnant and I am due or have the baby before school is out? Will I keep my job having to take maternity leave without having any time off yet? What if I wait and then it takes so long to actually get pregnant and I lose very precious time?? (I think what if 3 scares me more than anything).

I am very ready to be a mom. I am ready to be stable. I am ready to have a job. To make it work.

Problem is: I don't have that job. I don't know where I will be, I don't know how long it will take to get pregnant. I don't know anything! :) Yes, scream to me that this is where Faith comes in. Faith is believing what you cannot see. (Repeat) But I just want to make sure that I am not going to make the wrong decision.

Bottom line: I want to get pregnant. Ben says he's ready the DAY I sign a contract for a job. But I am afraid that I will ruin an opportunity that God has given me if I jump the gun too soon. If he hasn't let me get pregnant so far, how do I know that its not Him telling me the time isn't right?

I've had many people tell me, don't work kids around a career, don't try to plan or you'll never have them, there is never a perfect time, don't wait until you have enough money because there is never enough money.... on and on.


Anyways... lots of questions....

PS - Tonight officially started my birthday week (or week and a half)!

'How's that diet going' you ask?

Okay so maybe nobody really asked.... But I'm going to tell you anyways.

If you don't know, 6 WHOLE days ago I started a 'change the way I eat' diet. You can read about that here. And its gone pretty well so far. I've had a salad at least once a day all week. (Side note: I would not recommend getting over eager, eating two salads in one day and upping your daily fiber intake from 10% to 700% of the recommended value too quickly... it does not end well!) I have had carbs, but they were in the form of this Kashi cereal. If you look at the ingredients, its very whole products and has protein AND fiber! Its also sweet and carby tasting so I'm not dying over here from not eating anything but fruits and veggies all week.

Side note: Remember I had NO idea what I would eat for breakfast? Well I made spinach omlettes a few days this week! Never in my wildest dream did I think I'd ever put spinach into eggs...yuck.... but I did and I was pleasantly surprised. (This is fresh salad spinach by the way, not goopy canned spinach.) I also bought things to make fruit smoothies as recommended by my friend Jeris. I'm going to attempt those tomorrow b/c Ben begged to make them every morning and said he was going to make 32oz. like at smoothie king, which made me FREAK (because of the cost of all these ingredients and a week's supply would be gone in a slurp!).... so smoothies are off limits until I can supervise his serving sizes.

I've also kept a little bag of peanut butter crackers in my purse all week in case of a meltdown (I'd much rather have a melt down on those than 5 or 6 bite sized candy bars that are staring at me from the office fridge), but the crackers are still there, untouched. Woo!!!

As far as diet goes, I am thinking that IF this clears my skin up that it will take a good month or two to see changes. One of the medicines I used to take for my face (Spironolactone) took about 2 months to make a difference, so its reminded me I have to stick to it for at least that long before I can expect any changes.

I've decided to adopt the mentality that I'm 'allergic' to too many carbs and sugar (I don't think I'd survive: NO carb, NO sugar). This thought of being allergic helps me steer clear of them and remember they have several side effects that I'm trying to conquer, terrible skin being one of them.

I also had my regular chemical peel yesterday. Have any of you had these? This is my 7th or so one in a year, but I think I'm just now starting to figure out how to make my skin benefit from them. I am SO thankful that my insurance pays for them because of my skin history too! A chemical peel is NOT fun while you are getting it and is quite painful, but it does give my skin a chance to start anew every 7 weeks. It doesn't have long-term affects of clear skin though - one downfall.

So that's that, wish me luck on another successful week next week! I'll be off to Tallahassee next weekend for some family fun, bridal showers & parties, so I'll have to really get in the mind-frame, I'm sure there will be cookies and crackers everywhere!

A New Year and a New Diet

Not just any diet though, and not a 'DIET' to lose weight either (Even though I am still thinking about working on this).

This is a diet to help me help myself.

I have polycystic ovary syndrome (I'm actually proud of myself for telling you this because most of these type of posts end up on my secret blog where things don't actually get published... I'm working on it though and I guess this is step one).

Hi, my name is D.P. and I have PCOS.

There are a TON of symptoms that accompany this and I'm fortunate enough to not have to battle my weight to the extreme that some do or buy very expensive creams to keep the hair from growing on my face. (Hirsutism aka facial hair is another symptom of PCOS, due to the increased testosterone that the woman's body makes.)

What I do have and it kills me is adult acne. Some serious horrible acne. I have never known clear skin. I am already getting 'fine lines and wrinkles' and still have acne!!! Not exactly the way I had hoped I'd look in my mid to late (gasp!) twenties.

There are a lot of medicines that I can take for this, but they come with side effects too, some of which are intolerable or unhealthy for me right now.

So.... the next step is my diet.

Women with PCOS are often insulin resistant, pre-diabetic or even diabetic (hence the weight-loss battle). Last time I had my blood sugar checked, I was fine, nothing to be worried about, but my doc said, 'skip that cookie after dinner and be careful of your carbs'. I kept that in my mind for several months and then I think I buried that thought with cookie crumbs and forgot it all together. Skip to present, my skin is awful!!! I don't have proof that it is from all the holiday cookies, treats and other carby, sugary bites that I may or may not have eaten this past month, but I'm thinking it is probably one of the factors.

A low sugar, low carb diet can help a woman with PCOS with lots of issues, even possibly fertility, but I'm going to start it today in hopes that my skin starts to look a little more like that of a twenty-something and a little less like that of a 13 year-old going through puberty.

Goodbye bagels & biscuits. Hello salads and green beans! What on earth am I going to eat for breakfast? :)
I'll let you know how it works.

Happy New Year!