National Infertility Awareness Week

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. I hesitated the first few times I've seen and heard about this because I don't think about myself as infertile and wasn't sure I wanted to branch out on this one. Maybe its denial or being optimistic? I just consider myself as someone who hasn't gotten pregnant yet and needs some help! Denial? Optimism? Either way.... it is prevalent in many people I love's lives and I think it is an issue that should be talked about and brought out of the dark.

I personally have not talked much on my blog about pregnancy or lack there of, but I truly love some amazing blogs that are dedicated to this very topic. I pray for these women daily that they may be blessed with a sweet child of God soon! Please spread the word and pray for the women who are going through this very difficult time trying to conceive.

Hello Late Twenties

Today was wonderful! If this is any indication of the next year, I'm thrilled.

Ben woke me up with homemade french toast cooking in the kitchen! (Awwww) We then went to see Rick & Bubba (local, nationally syndicated radio hosts) because they are close to my hair salon and have a studio that you can walk by on the side walk and see them. Even though I don't listen to them all the time, it was still fun. Ben loves them, so I loved that he was able to see them. Here we are in the parking lot:

Then I got a MUCH overdue hair cut! The male receptionist at the salon said that I needed to go ahead and schedule my next visit because this last time was just 'ridiculous'. Apparently 15 weeks is too long without a hair cut.

Ben and I ate lunch at a Dale's and then went to the amazing Edgar's Bakery for cupcakes. Yes, they were both mine, but I didn't eat both of them thank you very much!
Back at home, I was delivered a beautiful hanging basket from my mother-in-law: and Ben gave me a super cute stand-up mirror. (I have been needing & wanting this for years!) I still have my college $9.99 long mirror leaning against a wall in my bathroom, complete with band stickers and makeup smears.

We took our pups out on a walk and then went to dinner with some fabulous friends who surprised me with an amazing Edgar's cake (that I apparently can freeze and have cake for the next 6 months! Best idea yet Amber!)

Thank you for ALL the birthday wishes and everyone who made today WONDERFUL! It has seriously been the best birthday yet. I recommend everyone takes their birthday off!


I also get to celebrate my birthday this weekend with my wonderful nephew who shares my birthday with me. He is 8 today. :)

How'd we do?

Today is THE day! I am 27 in 3 hours. Somehow, 27 seems much older than 26. And being in my late twenties is not as sweet sounding as mid-twenties, but knowing that my 27th year holds so many amazing things, makes it okay. :) That list is to come.

So how'd I do....

1. Go on a cruise! (I've never been and I've been saving and saving my credit card rewards so Ben and I can go on one). I'll accept a honeymoon vacation with Ben also. Negative... Quitting my fulltime job to intern full time certainly put a hold on the savings account. I'm okay with it, this one will have to carry over.

2. Go to Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge/Any other semi-close very touristy place I've never been. Ah, crap! I forgot this said, "that I've never been"! I was going to say I almost did this since I just got back from Destin and went to Gulf Shores last month... however, both I'd been to before... Okay... 0/27. Let's keep going.

3. Stop being such a Scrooge and spend some money on something fun (see above and below) :) I think I did this one pretty well! I bought a Christmas Tree, a new suit for all my upcoming interviews, some cute fun work clothes after I reached goal size, some fabulous black boots. Small things, but definitely fun things!

4. Blog at least once a week. Ding!

5. Pass the APTTP (December) PASSED!!!

6. Pass the School Counseling Praxis Exam (January) PASSED!!!!

7. Lose 10lbs... Well....I lost 7.... and then gained 3... then lost 2.... and gained 1.... and on and on. But ultimately, I lost 7lbs. :) However, I'm very shocked at how it has taken me longer than 6 months to lost 7 pounds!!! Apparently there isn't much will power since the elimination diets started. One thing at a time.

8. Get Ben and I's first Christmas tree! (Yes we've been married for almost 3 Christmases and never had a Christmas Tree - see #3). Check!

9. Join a bible study. We only have 2 classes left of our Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University bible study! This class has encouraged me to use cash for groceries and to put SOMETHING towards our debt each month even if its a very small amount. We have managed to pay down our 2nd mortgage by 10% since starting this bible study!! (It is our most problematic debt currently.) This is something I certainly would have not done otherwise and would have probably wasted the money. TAKE THIS CLASS!!

10. Start and Finish my wedding album (again... its been almost 3 years). Nope... sad day. Its just SO expensive... See # 3

11. Paint a room in my house! - My entire house right now is:

Bunny Grey... seriously, the whole house.

No painting going on over here...! It is such a daunting task. Would you like to volunteer to come over and motivate me?

12. Refinish this very old trunk... this is very much past my 'sand and paint' technique... not sure I know where to start.
Still in my mother's hands. I would love to see this refinished, but I just don't have the time or motivation. I hope my mom will refinish it and re-gift it back to me! Or maybe this summer... there should be a slight bit more free time this summer than this semester.

13. Exercise! I previously had this as go to the gym, but since the gym and my house are 35+ minutes away, its not likely that I get there any more often, so I must improvise!
I HAVE been walking! Atleast twice around our circle a day which is 1.80 miles. My goal is to up that to 4 laps: 3.6 miles.

14. (Your suggestion goes here).I have done several things here that were firsts: Many of them happened while in Dothan for the Peanut Festival. I also went to my very first Women's Retreat!

15. Go to the peanut festival (I was starting to get overwhelmed and this one is already set in stone). :) Check, this was in November.

16. Landscape!
Well... I haven't split my bulbs because they are BLOOMING! I have to wait until they are done blooming. But I did weed, trim, re-pot & plant my planters. Feeling pretty accomplished by that alone honestly!
17. Have a dinner party (or two).
We've only had one in 6 months! Sad... but that counts as a check.
18. Do something nice with our 'office/guest room'.
I vacuumed. Put things in file folders. The end. I was actually day dreaming today of how I could turn it into a nursey and still keep my guest room. Problem is that there is a VERY large gun safe in the office also. I don't know how well it would go over to have a gun safe right next to a crib... But I really don't like have a gun safe room!

19. Go rock crawling with Ben again... I really do love to go but never have the time to.
Just in the nick of time... 2 weeks ago.
20. Read some books! I have SO many books on my shelf unopened... Many of them are counseling-related books, but still I need to read something other than textbooks!
I read The Noticer - GREAT book, I think everyone should read it.


21. Find a job! This is a very bitter-sweet one because I have a wonderful job, but will soon be graduating and looking for a counseling position. This would be amazing if I knew where it would be by my birthday.
I was still holding out for this one allll the way until today, but its official. I do not have a job for the fall as of today. I do have my THIRD internship though and I'm very excited about it. I really do feel so much peace about having a job in the fall though. I know God has a place for me.

22. Go to Tallahassee.
This is my family hub. It's a central location between most of the cities we all live in and some of my aunts, uncles, cousins and grandmother live there. I went in February! It was SUCH a fun time. This is Ivy trying to pretend she wasn't very pregnant. She was doing a terrible job! :)


23. Learn to drive the Ford F250.
Does it count if I learn to do this one tomorrow on my actual birthday?!

24. Apply for a scholarship.
I actually applied for TWO scholarships and didn't get either of them. I am glad I applied and at least tried, but gosh losing sucks.

25. Pass the NCE. (National Counselor Exam - this leads to me being able to pursue licensure after graduation)
Thank the Lord this one has come and gone! Yes, I passed!!!

26. Thank God every single day for the SO many blessings he's given me.
I am so very thankful!

27. Take off work on my birthday and celebrate because it will be my 27th birthday on the 27th!!!! I almost didn't do this one after all the planning 6 months out, but at the last minute decided I needed it off and am very excited for the day tomorrow! I can't wait to tell you all about it!

18!!
18/27: not too bad, this year I'll give myself the whole year instead of half a year.

Happy Birthday!!

Fearlessly Feminine

Welcome home!

I just got back from the retreat in Destin!!

It was such a wonderful weekend with strong christian women that are great examples of kindness, genuineness, patience, compassion, dignity, love.... all things God wants from me and what I want to strive to be!

My Aunt Treecie invited my cousin Annie and I to go down to this women's retreat sponsored by her church based out of Tallahassee, Fla.

The speaker was Jani Ortlund and our topic was fearlessly feminine. To give up our fears, anxieties and restlessness and become a strong woman of God.

Psalm 62: 1 "My soul finds rest in God alone." (VERY appropriate lately!)

It really was a great topic to remind me about servant-hood. Our culture today is very self-serving, self-pleasing and self-centered. If it feels good, do it. This is not a servanthood mindset and she encouraged us to practice self-control and strive to be less of ourselves and more of Him. Also, we talked about how to be beautiful in God's standards instead of our own worldly standards which is wonderful to hear.

Proverbs 31:30 "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised!"

One of the things she mentioned that I really loved was that we are not called to separate ourselves from the our culture even though it is often disastrous and filthy. We are not called to be a christian separated from all others and this has been something I had been struggling with, especially in regards to raising children.

I've often wondered, how can you keep a child pure, how can you ensure that you raise that child of God correctly unless you separate him/her from the rest of the awful world, right?! Well, apparently I'm very wrong (as usual :). She encouraged us to embrace our culture, embrace why God chose for us to live in this day, this time, this place and use it to our advantage, use our femininity to our advantage. It is a tool that God has given to use that can do great things. So instead of separating ourselves, we are to minister within this culture, be a Godly woman in this culture.

To say that you don't like the culture you live in and avoid it, is to say if you don't like smog, stop breathing. -Michael Medveb

And because I could go on and on about what I loved or was a little confused about, to focus on just one more thing that really caught me:

"Sinners tend to sin in response to being sinned against."

How will you respond?


*******************************

On my way home I called one of my best friends to tell her about the weekend and how I was reminded to keep serving, to keep ministering, even when I'm tired, exhausted, broken down. I told her this weekend revived me, and she had a wonderful thing to say. She said when we are who Christ wants us to be, striving to live for him and when we are sinned against but respond with kindness, compassion and Christ's love, THIS is when those without Christ will start to wonder what we have that makes us that way and why it is that we are not responding the way they are used to, with anger or resentment.

My family is very difficult to minister to, but I have been renewed and refreshed and am ready to continue to try and to try better. I want to be able to be with them in heaven for all eternity and that is more important than getting mad.

7 cupcakes later....

What IS it about birthdays that make me want to eat?!

It doesn't even have to be MY birthday!!

Tonight I made gluten-free cupcakes for a classmate of mine who turned 27 yesterday and I seriously ate 2.5 and then some....

Remember 6 months ago that I was trying to lost 10lbs? 10lbs SHOULD be easy.... 10lbs is nothing! IF everyone would quit having birthdays! and holidays! and weekends!

I am trying to plan my birthday fun ahead of time so I don't just lose it and spend the next month trying to work off the 5lbs I can gain in 24 hours. I really hate it when that happens.

So instead of a cake, Ben and I are going to go to my favorite bakery and buy a cupcake.

Pretty good plan!

And I did FINALLY get my nerve up to take my birthday off. I almost didn't. I am trying to get as many direct hours as possible at my internship, but I need my birthday off for my sanity, and I decided I would probably regret it if I worked all day on my birthday.

Thanks to Cassie's fabulous idea, Ben is also taking off my birthday so we can enjoy the day together and celebrate!

Since the birthday week started yesterday, tomorrow I'm leaving for my Women's Retreat!!! What a wonderful pre-birthday weekend. I get to spend it with my aunt from Tallahassee and my cousin from Orlando. I can't wait to tell you guys all about it!

Birthdays, Babies & Business

So lets talk real for a minute. (Something I am not very quick to do.)

I'm turning 27 in 5 days and I think that means I'm growing up.

Apparently its inevitable. (I've been told its, "Better than the alternative.")

Well, I'm not getting any younger and if you put 2 + 2 together, you probably gathered that I'm itching to have kids. Ben and I are settled people, and I have to admit that turning 27 makes me a little more ready for it, but also, having PCOS is a huge part of wanting kids to happen sooner than later.

Its no secret that it may take a long time for me to get pregnant. I do feel blessed that I have known about this for years. I always knew that when I wanted to have kids I wouldn't be one of those people who decided now was the time and 9 months later pop out a baby. I'm okay with that. I have very strong faith and I have know since I have a conscious memory that I am going to be a mother.

But its become a little more tricky than just waiting and seeing...

I graduate in 3 months.... THREE!

Once I was within 10 months of graduating the baby talk got louder because that was when Ben and I always planned that we'd be ready. When I was done with school, we'd be free to have babies!

Now that it is all a reality and we've been not trying to not be pregnant for quite some time, its becoming very real that, wow, I am going to have to make a decision on when exactly we want to REALLY pursue getting pregnant (ie: assistance).

I was doing really well leaving it up to God. Now, you may think, well that is because you knew you wouldn't get pregnant, right? And yeah, that probably made me less nervous, thinking that it wasn't likely I would get pregnant, but I also have always thought, maybe I will.... maybe I will defy the odds and then if I did, it was 100% God's will! But that hasn't happened.

In school counseling, and the ideal world, you would get pregnant in August and have a baby in May working it around the school year to have the summer off and not have to lose pay if you don't have time off built up.

In an ideal world right?

But I'm not so sure we live in that world.

So I can't stop the 'what if' questions. This is where I am struggling with the where does Faith come in... if I am supposed to DO something to make it or make it not happen, how do I know? Make sense? How am I going to know if God wants it to happen now or later. Can he just send me an email? Take those pills THIS month! :)

So you want to know the what ifs? Probably not because I don't really believe in 'what ifs' either... but right now I'm stuck in them.

Okay, just for fun....
What if all the assistance works like its supposed to and (yay!) I get pregnant as planned.... will I be able to make it through my FIRST year as a counselor pregnant? What if I get pregnant and I am due or have the baby before school is out? Will I keep my job having to take maternity leave without having any time off yet? What if I wait and then it takes so long to actually get pregnant and I lose very precious time?? (I think what if 3 scares me more than anything).

I am very ready to be a mom. I am ready to be stable. I am ready to have a job. To make it work.

Problem is: I don't have that job. I don't know where I will be, I don't know how long it will take to get pregnant. I don't know anything! :) Yes, scream to me that this is where Faith comes in. Faith is believing what you cannot see. (Repeat) But I just want to make sure that I am not going to make the wrong decision.

Bottom line: I want to get pregnant. Ben says he's ready the DAY I sign a contract for a job. But I am afraid that I will ruin an opportunity that God has given me if I jump the gun too soon. If he hasn't let me get pregnant so far, how do I know that its not Him telling me the time isn't right?

I've had many people tell me, don't work kids around a career, don't try to plan or you'll never have them, there is never a perfect time, don't wait until you have enough money because there is never enough money.... on and on.


Anyways... lots of questions....

PS - Tonight officially started my birthday week (or week and a half)!

Chris the Soldier

Graduation was great! It was so good to see Chris. He's lost 30 pounds and looks great. Its amazing what quitting alcohol, cigarettes and caffiene can do for you. He really was proud of himself and seemed very happy. I think its the 1st time since his high school graduation that he felt accomplished. He talked non stop about the past 10 weeks and how trying and amazing it was all together. It was good to hear him talk about something he was proud of!

Our grandmother drove up from Florida!

Ava was happy to see Chris too.

Me and my two brothers.

He left for San Antonio, Texas, today to continue his training. He is becoming a combat medic in hopes of also becoming an airborne medic. San Antonio will last 16 weeks and then he gets 2 weeks leave, at which time he may get married. (Feel free to gasp.) He was not even dating anyone when he left for Georgia, but his on-again/off-again girlfriend and he reconnected over letters and are talking about getting married. This scares me because I fear that at one of the most trying times in his life he leaned on who he was comfortable with and everyone gets along over letters. I think they've forgotten why it was they were off-again. I really am just praying that whichever path he chooses will be God's path. That IF he gets married, it will be for the right reasons.

My prayers go with him to Texas that he keeps following who it is God wants him to be, but I am so proud of him for getting this far!